Comments on: The Most Important Thing That Men Who Have Sex With Women Need to Know http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know Adult Sexuality Education Thu, 23 Feb 2012 03:05:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: JILLANNE http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-28663 JILLANNE Mon, 18 Apr 2011 15:01:56 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-28663 Great article. :) Great article. :)

]]> By: Stella http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-22066 Stella Thu, 03 Mar 2011 20:10:30 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-22066 Emily, My mention of having had only one partner was there to help clarify that I am not a bed hopper who is sexually aggressive, that I am quite the opposite, yet I have these certain preferences. It was meant to dispel the stereotype that slutty women like aggression in sex, should anyone hold them against me. And what does my sexual history have to do with other people's 'slutty' behaviors? How do you arrive at that conclusion, via a leap of logic? The fact that you are so defensive, means that you are defensive of your own person. Sure other women have preferences, and I just wanted to put my two cents in there and to draw a wider spectrum for the variety of preferences out there. Don't take it so personal. Emily,

My mention of having had only one partner was there to help clarify that I am not a bed hopper who is sexually aggressive, that I am quite the opposite, yet I have these certain preferences. It was meant to dispel the stereotype that slutty women like aggression in sex, should anyone hold them against me. And what does my sexual history have to do with other people’s ‘slutty’ behaviors? How do you arrive at that conclusion, via a leap of logic? The fact that you are so defensive, means that you are defensive of your own person.

Sure other women have preferences, and I just wanted to put my two cents in there and to draw a wider spectrum for the variety of preferences out there. Don’t take it so personal.

]]> By: Emily http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-21198 Emily Fri, 25 Feb 2011 17:37:06 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-21198 @Stella: I don't think it's actually about being "sweet" or "gentle" per se, but about not making the woman worry that her partner doesn't respect her boundaries. If <i>your</i> relationship works differently, and you've got it all figured out, good for you two. However, there are many, many women who have been forced or coerced by their partners into doing sexual things (which is part of the definition of rape) and that's a problem, and the "snuggle, don't grope" advice is meant to help address that problem. Also, why the hell should we care how many sexual partners you've had? Frankly, it comes off as really slut-shaming for you to brag that you've only ever been with this one man. @Stella: I don’t think it’s actually about being “sweet” or “gentle” per se, but about not making the woman worry that her partner doesn’t respect her boundaries. If your relationship works differently, and you’ve got it all figured out, good for you two. However, there are many, many women who have been forced or coerced by their partners into doing sexual things (which is part of the definition of rape) and that’s a problem, and the “snuggle, don’t grope” advice is meant to help address that problem.

Also, why the hell should we care how many sexual partners you’ve had? Frankly, it comes off as really slut-shaming for you to brag that you’ve only ever been with this one man.

]]> By: Stella http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-20633 Stella Mon, 21 Feb 2011 21:51:34 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-20633 I'm a 26 yro woman with a toddler child. My sex drive has always been higher than my partner's pre and post pregnancy (after a healing process of course). I'd rather he expresses desire by groping me or handling me, but he prefers hugs. I don't think you can generalise and say women prefer sweet, gentle, considerate. Sure that's nice, but I would rather have hot impulsive, can't get my hands off type of attention, and i'm sure i'm not the only one. For the record, I am not nor was I ever promiscuous. I've ever had one lover and he is still it. This is just my preference inside a safe, caring relationship. I’m a 26 yro woman with a toddler child. My sex drive has always been higher than my partner’s pre and post pregnancy (after a healing process of course). I’d rather he expresses desire by groping me or handling me, but he prefers hugs. I don’t think you can generalise and say women prefer sweet, gentle, considerate. Sure that’s nice, but I would rather have hot impulsive, can’t get my hands off type of attention, and i’m sure i’m not the only one. For the record, I am not nor was I ever promiscuous. I’ve ever had one lover and he is still it. This is just my preference inside a safe, caring relationship.

]]> By: LOVEOLUTIONARY http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-16751 LOVEOLUTIONARY Mon, 24 Jan 2011 17:34:33 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-16751 [...] — charlie glickman, the most important thing that men who have sex with women need to know [...] [...] — charlie glickman, the most important thing that men who have sex with women need to know [...]

]]> By: How Do Men Manage Sexual Energy? | Charlie Glickman http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-5498 How Do Men Manage Sexual Energy? | Charlie Glickman Thu, 30 Sep 2010 00:07:03 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-5498 [...] Do Men Manage Sexual Energy? Ever since I wrote The Most Important Thing That Men Who Have Sex With Women Need to Know, I’ve been finding myself in more conversations with other men about how we manage our sexual [...] [...] Do Men Manage Sexual Energy? Ever since I wrote The Most Important Thing That Men Who Have Sex With Women Need to Know, I’ve been finding myself in more conversations with other men about how we manage our sexual [...]

]]> By: Charlie http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-4414 Charlie Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:28:46 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-4414 I think that one thing that needs to happen is that more men need to be visibly modeling behaviors that challenge sexism. It's not enough to only be supportive of the women in our lives- we need to let other men know that we're doing it. Visibility is key to making things change. I think that one thing that needs to happen is that more men need to be visibly modeling behaviors that challenge sexism. It’s not enough to only be supportive of the women in our lives- we need to let other men know that we’re doing it. Visibility is key to making things change.

]]> By: Darcy http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-4382 Darcy Mon, 06 Sep 2010 21:51:40 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-4382 A sound piece of advice, certainly, and especially in the second-last paragraph. As a het male I'm often bothered by the fact that my demographic seems to be blamed for the vast majority of injustices and issues in society, but the fact is it's a deserved reputation, and it's not a problem that will simply disappear overnight by a few of us becoming a little more considerate and sensitive. Still, it's frustrating that because there are so many lunkheads out there who can't figure out that their partner is in fact a real human being with feelings, needs and desires, there isn't much sex and relationship advice for the rest of us. A sound piece of advice, certainly, and especially in the second-last paragraph. As a het male I’m often bothered by the fact that my demographic seems to be blamed for the vast majority of injustices and issues in society, but the fact is it’s a deserved reputation, and it’s not a problem that will simply disappear overnight by a few of us becoming a little more considerate and sensitive.

Still, it’s frustrating that because there are so many lunkheads out there who can’t figure out that their partner is in fact a real human being with feelings, needs and desires, there isn’t much sex and relationship advice for the rest of us.

]]> By: Paul http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-4133 Paul Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:05:44 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-4133 My comment had little to do with the history of sexual assault or sexual intrusion, and i agree, opening dialogue on the matter hopefully helps in shifting mindsets for the better. I'm still pretty young but i've had enough experience that i'm aware that there is a huge difference between sex and intimacy and they each have their place in a healthy relationship, but with the natural progression of love there is a premise of unobligated selflessness. And even the hardest of men soften to this from what i've seen. So if a guy is always going for the boobgrab to initiate sex, one can only conclude either he is a neanderthal or simply doesnt really care. But this is pretty basic stuff isnt it?? Maybe it is just my experience but all these mental hurdles that we place in ourselves fade away when addressed with the right partner anyway so why overcomplicate things. My comment had little to do with the history of sexual assault or sexual intrusion, and i agree, opening dialogue on the matter hopefully helps in shifting mindsets for the better.
I’m still pretty young but i’ve had enough experience that i’m aware that there is a huge difference between sex and intimacy and they each have their place in a healthy relationship, but with the natural progression of love there is a premise of unobligated selflessness. And even the hardest of men soften to this from what i’ve seen. So if a guy is always going for the boobgrab to initiate sex, one can only conclude either he is a neanderthal or simply doesnt really care. But this is pretty basic stuff isnt it??
Maybe it is just my experience but all these mental hurdles that we place in ourselves fade away when addressed with the right partner anyway so why overcomplicate things.

]]> By: Charlie http://www.charlieglickman.com/2010/08/the-most-important-thing-that-men-who-have-sex-with-women-need-to-know/comment-page-1/#comment-4101 Charlie Tue, 31 Aug 2010 16:10:26 +0000 http://www.charlieglickman.com/?p=6204#comment-4101 Given the history of sexual assault and sexual intrusion, I'm not sure what you mean by "what a minefield we’ve turned coitus into." If anything, the fact that we're beginning to deal with this is a positive sign, IMO. While I'd love to be able to change everything more quickly, I know that the inertia of history is going to take a while to shift. But it'll happen. Given the history of sexual assault and sexual intrusion, I’m not sure what you mean by “what a minefield we’ve turned coitus into.” If anything, the fact that we’re beginning to deal with this is a positive sign, IMO. While I’d love to be able to change everything more quickly, I know that the inertia of history is going to take a while to shift. But it’ll happen.

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