I woke up this morning to discover this in my twitter feed:
RT @TheFakeEscort: Alexa di Carlo “really” a man named Thomas “Pat” Bohannan. Deets: http://exposeabro-alexa.blogspot.com
Since I was well aware of the controversy surrounding Alexa’s blog www.realprincessdiaries.com (now offline) was listed as the Between My Sheets top sex blog of 2010, I’m not surprised that things finally came tumbling down for Alexa. That level of notoriety often leads to the sort of scrutiny that filters the truth from the lies.
I’ll admit that when I first read the Real Princess Diaries, I bought into the story. The writing was really good, both in terms of the technical proficiency and the stories. I know a lot of real-life escorts are very careful to keep their online personnas separate from their personal lives, so it didn’t set off any immediate warning bells. Similarly, quite a few online sex writers work anonymously in order to avoid losing their jobs or other problems. Also, most of the how-to information was more or less accurate. Certainly, I’ve read plenty of worse sex advice from self-proclaimed sexperts, so the occasional inaccuracy didn’t really stand out to me. So I invited Alexa to participate in the Good Vibrations Sex Educator Profile Series and posted her profile.
However, last December, after reading an article on Carnal Nation and and talking/emailing/tweeting with quite a few people, I started doing a little digging. Part of what made this take a while is that different people had different pieces of the puzzle. I heard about Alexa’s attempts to infiltrate sex worker rights organizations from one person. I heard about how Alexa spent time on youth sex ed message boards and set up a now-defunct website from someone else. Then I discovered that the photos that were ostensibly of Alexa were lifted from a cam girl’s website. And then it occurred to me to check Redbook, a website devoted to advertising and reviewing sex workers. Even folks who don’t advertise on the site almost always have client reviews, so it was clearly suspicious that nobody had reviewed Alexa. Perhaps none of these, other than using someone else’s photos, would be enough to put it together, but when all of the pieces were laid out, it was clear that Alexa wasn’t who everyone thought she was and I removed her profile. For the details, click on the image above.
For the last year, I’ve been keeping track of the developments.Each time someone pointed out an inconsistency or something that cast doubt on something Alexa wrote, that blog post would suddenly disappear. Mostly, though, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That happened this morning, when a site went up claiming to have the faxts behind Alexa. It says that Alexa is a guy named Thomas “Pat” Bohannan. While I can’t vouch for the accuracy of everything there, I had been told last year that Alexa’s IP address came from Philadelphia, as described on the exposé site. I also knew that Alexa had been behind the website Caitlin’s Corner and had been banned form Student.com and Scarleteen.com, as described.
Alexa’s Fetlife profile has been mostly stripped, along with what appears to be another site run by the same person, The Sensual Exhibitionist. Here’s a screen capture of the site taken from Google’s cache. Longtime readers of Alexa will see that the background and writing style look pretty much the same. Remember- just because you delete something doesn’t mean it’s gone from the internet.
So what’s the big deal? Personally, I don’t care if someone wants to create an online fantasy personna. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad or unhealthy to explore the different facets of our psyches by writing stories. A lot of people do it and have fun with it. And a lot of people read these stories and enjoy them. For that matter, I don’t even care when people give anonymous sex advice. Some of it is accurate and some of it really isn’t, but I figure it’s up to the reader to do due diligence when researching anything online.
But I do take exception when someone creates false credentials in order to dupe the gullible. I worked hard to get a doctorate in sex education and many of my colleagues, whether they have academic credentials or not, have dedicated years of their lives to learn about sexuality in order to provide good information. I feel a lot of anger when someone pretends to have done the work in order to make it seem as if they know what they’re talking about.
It also upsets me when people misrepresent sex work. Usually, people make it seem as if it’s much a much worse career than it might be, especially when they want to ban it. But it’s also problematic when people glorify it because it creates a misrepresentation of the challenges and difficulties that sex workers face. In turn, this romanticizes the profession and makes it more likely that people will decide to try it out without knowing how to protect themselves. Plus, sex workers have always struggled with people who talk about them without listening to them. The motto “not about us without us” fits here- if you’re not a sex worker, don’t spout off about what it’s like. Listen to sex workers and be an ally without speaking for other people. They can speak for themselves.
Is “Alexa” gone for good? Maybe. But dealing with things like this on the internet is like playing whack-a-mole. If this guy (or whoever is behind Alexa) doesn’t start another site, someone else will. And I’m sure that no matter what the evidence, some people will refuse to believe it, perhaps because they hoped that the fantasy was real or because it’s hard to admit when you’ve been duped. In either case, I’m glad that the truth is coming out and I’m looking forward to seeing how this develops.
Charlie Glickman
I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, and occasional university professor. I'm also the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations, where I edit the online Magazine. I also teach workshops, seminars, and university courses on sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information or to arrange a speaking engagement.
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Beautifully put.
Julie McCloud(Quote) (Reply)
Very well written.
Kayla(Quote) (Reply)
Fantasy is fun, but I prefer real life. Genuine, authentic, honest – those words are so much sexier than “fraud.”
“Alexa”/Pat threatened to out me in January – I’m grateful I was able to do it myself on my own terms.
The Beautiful Kind(Quote) (Reply)
People so entirely miss the point. The whole purpose of erotica is to create a believable fantasy. The more believable, the better. People flocked to Alexa’s blog and tweets because the fantasy she created was so vivid and so fleshed out.
I honestly can’t understand the outrage people are expressing. Especially from other providers of erotica. I see envy and jealousy at root here, not solid reasons for objecting.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
What got me thinking about Alexa was when she moved to Florida but started commuting to Philly for a weekends-only graduate program in something-or-another. Seemed fishy to me and now with the revelation that she is actually a he and living in Delaware, perhaps that was a cover story to explain the IP address location.
She left a comment on my blog not too long ago, I went back and checked, sure enough it came from the Philly area, on a weekday.
Thanks for writing this.
hubman(Quote) (Reply)
@DelightandDole
You’re missing my point. I’m not objecting to the erotica. I’m objecting to someone creating a false personna in order to pretend to have a level of credibility that they don’t. It tricks people into believing the information beyond the level that they would if they knew that it was being given by some random dude who’s never been a sex educator or an escort.
Also, when something is presented as a fantasy, people know that it’s made up. When it’s presented as real life experiences, that makes it more likely that they’ll mimic it, and possibly end up in dangerous or hurtful situations. It’s irresponsible.
That’s why I object to what this guy has done. It’s not a jealousy issue, at least for me.
Charlie(Quote) (Reply)
You can create a harmless fictional or semi-fictional persona WITHOUT fabricating specific educational credentials you don’t have (name of school, etc. and relying upon that to establish trust you don’t deserve & set yourself as an expert you are not), WITHOUT stealing images to use on your blog & fake escort portfolio from a real sex worker who specifically does non-nude, tease-only projects, WITHOUT putting real sex workers at risk by using your fake fucking self as a reference to so they’ll see you or others as clients when you have not been vetted by a real sex worker, WITHOUT telling real sex workers and real sex educators how to do (and not do) their jobs, etc.
“Alexa” did all that and more, WITHOUT one morsel of apology, expression of remorse, or admission of any wrongdoing whatsoever, instead consistently manipulating her rabidly loyal fans into thinking S/HE is the person wronged.
Trixie(Quote) (Reply)
I’m 100% with Trixie on this one. There have been anonymous blogs in the past that turned out not to be authentic (Shirley Shave for instance) – it’s disappointing for sure, but it’s a whole other world when someone puts themselves forward NOT as telling their own story, but as an actual source of counselling and advice.
To claim to have academic qualifications you don’t have in order to gain others’ trust is unethical. We bloggers do not have a written code of conduct, but there is certainly a code that most people adhere to, especially in sex blogging.
I hesitated to comment on Alexa in the past, because I knew before coming out there were people who doubted me too. It’s frustrating to hear people call you fake when you know you’re not, but cant fight back because you have a life and career to protect.
However, it’s worth pointing out (and this is true for many anonymous or pseudonymous sex bloggers) that you have to gain trust. Obviously my agent and publisher believed in me, as did a couple of people in sex education in London who met me in person. And crucially people whose opinions I respected (Trixie and Matisse for instance) believed in me and supported me. So it’s possible to be anonymous and still prove your bona fides to the people who count. The person writing the Alexa blog has never done that, even though plenty of discreet, trustworthy people tried to reach out and make it happen.
Why does any of this matter? Why is this not just ‘oh, someone’s having a bit of fun?’ Because “Alexa” referred men to sex workers, potentially putting them at risk. Because some sex workers were threatened with exposure – perhaps not by Alexa, but certainly due to the situation. Because there are already countless bullshit stories about sex work peddled to the media every day, and someone claiming experience they don’t have Does Not Help. Because genuine sex educators fight to have their research taken seriously by prurient morons in mainstream media, and someone who tweets about “teaching your sons and daughters to suck ass and lick pussy” is absolutely not for real.
If someone was blogging about being disabled, and turned out to be able-bodied, there would be an uproar. If an anonymous blogger wrote about being a racial minority or queer, but wasn’t, that would be clearly manipulative and unethical: that person would rightly be shunned. But somehow, because it’s sex work, people still queue up to say “don’t take it so seriously!” Fuck that – we are a targeted, criminalised, marginalised minority who have the right to tell our own stories, and the right to protect that right.
At Desiree this summer I was very aware of how privileged I am to have the support to be fully out as an ex-sex worker to the world. I don’t take the position lightly. What offended me most was knowing someone like “Alexa” was riding the coattails of what I and countless others have achieved with real work, hurt, sweat, graft, fear, and love. Making a mockery of us, as if sex work is something anyone can do. It isn’t.
Belle de Jour(Quote) (Reply)
Very few people, since the brouhaha of last December, still were taking Alexa literally. That doesn’t mean that her site and tweets weren’t enjoyed by many, even among those who were pretty sure that it was all an elaborate game (as so much in sexuality is, no?)
Real cause for genuine outrage here is pretty flimsy, at least with the facts as we KNOW them, not surmise them. Belle, you say it “matters” because Alexa referred men to other sex workers, thereby exposing them to danger. We don’t know that, frankly. I’ve seen tweets indicating that Alexa referred this man Pat, but that doesn’t instantly equate with danger, I’m sorry. Secondly, you say it matters because sex workers were threatened with exposure. Nothing ties Alexa to that, and much of that instance (expose-a-ho) seemed to be in response to people “outing” Alexa her/himself, so it’s ugly all the way around in this little escapade. Finally, it matters because “someone claiming experience they don’t have Does Not Help.” Why? People claim things all the time, particularly on the web. Lots of people found Alexa’s blog and tweets to be entertaining, enlightening, helpful. So almost by definition, your statement that it “Does Not Help” is Wrong.
98% of Alexa’s blog was erotica, with NOTHING to do with her sexuality credentials as an educator. You can call it bad erotica if you’d like, that’s a matter of YOUR judgment, but lots of people seemed to disagree, and the site was clearly garnering lots of views. The whole aspect of “Alexa was offering people advice based on false credentials” seems way overblown to me. Come on. Anyone and everyone can get on the net and blog about how to give a blowjob. She was hardly giving her posts greater weight by claiming to be in a PhD. program in sexuality.
But aside from all that, let’s look at the extreme ugliness that’s brewing today about all this. Ironic that this ugliness is being fanned, at least in large part, from people (sex workers) who themselves justifiably value their anonymity and privacy. Here’s what I mean: sometime last night, “@ExposingAlexa” sent out what appear to be hundreds of tweets to everyone (I think) who was following @Alexa_DiCarlo. These tweets took the form: “@addressee “Alexa di Carlo” is really a man named Thomas “Pat” Bohannan. Details: http://exposeabro-alexa.blogspot.com”
Interestingly, ALL of those tweets are now gone. (Go look: http://twitter.com/#!/ExposingAlexa — they were taken down sometime earlier today) But since people retweeted them, the traces remain that this is what happened. Why would @ExposingAlexa do that, hmm?
Think about it: this shoot-and-run approach by @ExposingAlexa’s would be a really effective way to leverage the web into a public stoning of a personal enemy–or just a way to make mischief (this is, after all, the Internet). That may not be what’s happening here, but I think we all need to be skeptical of being manipulated into mob action by an orchestrated campaign, unverifiable or suppositional claims, etc.
I now note that @ExposingAlexa is tweeting that I’m a troll. So, no tolerance of any opposing thoughts here, eh? More aspects of the public stoning.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
Thirding Trixie and seconding Belle. Yes, it’s fine to be whoever you want to be….until you start putting out mis-information (like on Caitlin’ Corner…that there are not such thing as transmen, only transwomen???) and dangerous advice, some of which was given under Sex Work 101.
I have written under a pen name. I have worked under other names, yes, all of that. I have met literally dozens of bloggers and sex workers in real life; sometimes I know their real names, sometimes I don’t. However, if you are not willing to truly reach out and make connections to the rest of the world, yet want to be an “expert,” I’m sorry, it just isn’t going to cut it.
I’m not happy to see people outed usually…but for someone to profit off of lies, wrong/dangerous information, and trying to out others? I have an issue with that.
Shanna Katz(Quote) (Reply)
@DelightAndDole Are you a sex worker? Because if you are not I’m wondering how you feel qualified to dispute what Belle (who is a former sex worker) is stating as the reason why Alexa/Pat put sex workers at risk.
Who are you to say that Alexa referring her ‘clients’ to other sex workers did not endanger them? I’m really not understanding how you feel qualified to dispute this unless you yourself are a sex worker.
Lastly, I am one of the first people on that twitter account followers list and I did not receive any twitter spam message. I saw the same tweets that everyone else saw and I RT’d it.
Please do not belittle the actual risks and fears to sex workers safety simply because you liked what Alexa/Pat wrote.
Diva
Diva(Quote) (Reply)
Well said, Diva! I find it ironic that those who most completely bought into the Alexa persona—which was inextricably that of an escort and not just that of a promiscuous young woman—are so quick to dismiss countless established sex workers and sex workers allies raising concerns. Basically, they’re saying that their right to enjoy fabricated erotica is more important than the well-being of a community of highly stigmatized and vulnerable people. (This is putting aside the uncontested content theft and faked academic credentials, which are also big problems.)
Just like everyone else weighing in on this, I have no objection to someone making up a persona for themselves on the internet. That would be akin to telling novelists they can only ever write autobiographies. But I will not excuse the fact that Alexa’s fame-hounding implicated truly innocent people (like BlueEyedCass, whose picture is now forever associated with an alleged prostitute, and the grad students at SFSU.) It was selfish and completely unnecessary. And what about all that super weird stuff about trying to engage in sexual discussion with teenagers? That’s just not okay.
It’s ridiculous that a handful of people keep saying “who did it hurt?” when the harms have been detailed again and again. What they really mean is: “who was hurt *enough* to justify ruining my fantasy?” And no answer anyone can give will satisfy them.
Monica(Quote) (Reply)
I completely agree with Belle. If this was a person who lied about a handicap, injury or minority, there would be an uprising. No one would be accusing people of being jealous. I call bullshit.
I also wonder if DelightAndDole is a sex worker. She doesn’t seem to feel the sense of urgency that this sort of violation invokes in a sex worker.
All sex workers create themselves on line. When I blogged as a Dominatrix, I embellished. It was erotica for marketing. I talked up the sexy things I thought would attract the kinds of clients I wanted to see. THAT is what we all do.
But to lie about credentials? To get people to trust you, open up to you with personal information. To refer clients, even if it was just himself is NOT ok. All sex workers have the right to screen their clients for safety, as well as interests. Bypassing that is a huge violation of trust. It makes you wonder if you can trust the next referral you get from someone you’ve never met – which is a great deal of our referrals! This makes one less likely to check credentials and more likely to find them selves in a dangerous situation.
Dead Cow Girl(Quote) (Reply)
@Monica: No, that’s not what I’m saying. I do think “Alexa”, assuming all this is true, did a number of things that I find less than laudable, and even creepy. But the language here, and the mob mentality, is pretty distressing too. There’s a difference between doing a creepy thing (basically, faking a referral (of oneself to a sex worker) and hurting someone. It’s not clear (although it’s being inferred and then presented as fact) that Bohannon referred people other than himself to sex workers.
The mob mentality is jumping to all sorts of other conclusions: that Alexa was behind Expose-a-Ho (unproved and, to my mind, unlikely), that she/he “implicated” the grad students at SFSU, etc. (By the way, it was someone here on the net/Twitter/blogs, trying to expose Alexa, who went after the grad student roster at SFSU and even (falsely) concluded that Alexa must be a particular male grad student there! Ugly behavior, again, with ugly results. As far as I recall, Alexa never specifically mentioned the institution where she was allegedly studying–it was clear it was SF, and perhaps even the rough area, but the institution itself, by name, was not mentioned).
The sex worker community is doing itself harm by its reaction to anyone remotely defending Alexa. People are accusing this person Bohannon of all sorts of damnable things without proof; at the same time, people are recommending that one go to his employer and actively attempt to ruin his life. I see that as extreme and worrisome and self-defeating. In a microcosm of this, people have also tweeted that I myself am yet another incarnation of Bohannon, or just a troll; one person tonight told me I was just “too stupid” to understand. Speaks volumes.
Basically, I’m holding up a flag that says, “hey, y’all are totally out of line, no matter what Alexa may have done.” So go ahead, call me whatever you want.
@Diva, I’m not a sex worker, no. I’m always a little confounded when a group thinks that the only people qualified to have an opinion on anything related to them are people within the group itself. I’ve followed this controversy, and Alexa’s blog and tweets, all the way along. I’m an intelligent, well-read person, and I certainly have the right to form my own view without having that dismissed as inappropriate simply because it’s out of step with the received thought of the sex worker community.
It’s also notable that people here claim two rather contradictory things: 1) that “everyone” could tell (and knew, across the board, because sex workers can easily tell a fake) that Alexa was a fake; and 2) sex workers accepted referrals from her. OK, I’m not a sex worker, but if I were, it seems I’d be pretty cautious about whom I’d accept referrals from. So I’d like to hear something more than rumor and supposition about what specific incidents happened along this line: was it once? Twice? Was it always Bohannon, or were there multiple clients whom Alexa referred? Otherwise, all of this is just people running wild in their imaginations.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
One thing I have time tonight to explain, AGAIN, to this DelightAndDole character:
Screencap of just one of an assortment of places where he claimed she went to SFSU: http://twitpic.com/30dgqo (click “view full size, see right sidebar)
And this (already linked to a ton of times, you “intelligent, well-read,” doesn’t-know-when-to-quit pest) from someone who would have been her cohort if Alexa existed and really went to that school & was part of that program: http://sexademic.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/alexa-dicarlo-anonymity-and-sex
Trixie(Quote) (Reply)
We don’t want to waste time feeding the trolls, but to clarify to everyone else…
“Alexa” fanboy “DelightAndDole” is too dense (or lazy) to differentiate between our twitter account (@ExposingAlexa) and another anonymous anti-”Alexa” twitter account, @TheFakeEscort. That other twitter account took it upon themselves to contact tons of people on twitter this morning to tell them about our blog. This is what DelightAndDole is talking about as he runs all over the internet accusing us of spamming twitter, then deleting our tweets, and lying about it as a part of this gigantic high-level conspiracy and “mob” against his beloved fantasy dream”girl”. DelightAndDole is just mistaking us for another twitter user, @TheFakeEscort. Oopsie! Next time, pay attention to the facts before screaming “lies!!!”
Expose A Bro(Quote) (Reply)
@Expose-a-Bro, thanks once again for calling me a troll just because I disagree. I’m also lazy, dense, a conspiracy theorist, and regard Alexa as my “beloved fantasy girl.” So much for dialog.
My point stands: this is mob mentality. @TheFakeEscort and @ExposingAlexa are different? Does it even matter? And, who’s to verify that? You’re both anonymous. Both of you swung into action on Twitter pretty much at the same time, in the late evening of Friday into the early morning of Saturday, notifying everyone possible in an orchestrated campaign pointing at Bohannon. Why should we believe that you two are different, just as YOU happen to believe that Alexa and the person behind Expose-a-Ho were one and the same? You even started out your reaction to me by accusing ME of being another Bohannon identity. You’re not being rational, and I have to wonder what your motives are. Either way, you’re clearly demonizing any opposition, either as obviously a sockpuppet or fixated on Alexa as a “beloved fantasy dream girl”.
I see this orchestrated, anonymous campaign as quite intentionally (and successfully) designed to stir up a crowd to Bohannon’s door, replete with pitchforks and torches and tar pots. I think that’s pretty ugly, and I’ll continue to speak out against it. Sorry, Trixie, if that makes me a pest in your eyes. Dissent is always pretty pesky, isn’t it. It’s SO much easier and nicer when everyone agrees as we all head off to the public stoning.
And no one is addressing my factual questions: just what did Alexa allegedly do in terms of referrals to sex workers? Just Bohannon as a client, or others? Not rumors or supposition, facts.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
@D and D: I don’t see where I called you any names, particularly since I never even mentioned your name. I think you’re purposefully ignoring the vast majority of what’s been said about this fraud, although I can only speculate as to why you’re doing that. Sadly, I don’t see why “Alexa” would have ever quit her whole host of creepy/unethical/dishonest behaviors without this outing. I think it’s right for the outing to make most people uncomfortable, because privacy is important and we all value our own, and I understand how someone could object to it. But many sex workers told Alexa in no uncertain terms that she was creating strife and unhappiness within the community she (“she”) claimed to represent, and you’re minimizing the complexity of the issue by continuing to characterize those women as hysterical, mean, and jealous.
Alexa was caught out lying in a way that created problems for a lot of innocent people, like those I already mentioned: BlueEyedCass and the poor male SFSU student whose name got dragged into things during the first round. S/he didn’t care. The person behind Alexa was borderline delusional, totally bound up into this entirely false identity and too wedded to it to change any of “her” tactics. It was clear that Alexa poured hundreds if not thousands of hours into myriad internet projects and self-promotions, and that’s only what’s made public. We have no idea of knowing how much time s/he spent emailing and chatting with fans, reading up on the escort business, etc. Anyone who invests that much time in creating an alternate universe, and then proceeds to live there, is not going to go away quietly. So as far as I can see the only course of action you’re suggesting was for everyone to let the grotesque facade continue, regardless of what shitty impacts it had.
Furthermore, you’ve been pretty hostile to the vast majority of sex workers who’ve weighed in on this, and I don’t think you have any right to demand information about who saw Alexa’s “clients” where and when. Several sex workers are feeling freaked out, vulnerable, and violated. If I were one of them, you’d be the last person I’d feel comfortable sharing my experience with. Good luck demanding answers from a group of people for whom you’ve made it clear you have absolutely no respect.
Monica(Quote) (Reply)
Dole: I told you last year when you kept trying to engage me via twitter and I’ll say it again, you can pay me for phone sex or hot chat or a webcam show if you want me to go along with your hyperbolic misogynist fantasies of whore-witches conspiring to tar & feather PatBo before burning down his house, or to pretend I think you’re really smart and interesting.
For $4.99 a minute I’ll even show you my tits while I tell you how stupid I am, how you’re right and I’m wrong, how it’s you and people like PatBo who have so much to fear while we women are ugly hysterical fiends with a terrifying vendetta based on pure jealousy. I will not shave my pussy bald for you because I know it could never hold a candle to Alexa’s delicious waxed mons, but I’ll act like I’m really turned on by your bizarre double standards and tell you your twisted fears and concerns are really rational and intelligent. I’ll apologize for my role in this travesty and the losses you and your imaginary friend have suffered.
I know “Alexa” made you feel special for free, but that’s because HE IS NOT A REAL SEX WORKER and got off on manipulating your dumb ass.
If you’re looking for gold stars and cookies, you’re barking up the wrong trees. Why don’t you give it up?
Trixie(Quote) (Reply)
Wow. I think Trixie’s diatribe speaks for itself.
@Monica, I wasn’t “demanding” anything except perhaps that people might look for facts instead of suppositions and wild rumors. We’ve heard one allegation, to the best of my knowledge, that Alexa referred a client (who may or may not have been Bohannon) to another sex worker. That’s somehow been turned into “proof” that Alexa was putting sex workers in danger. I was simply asking for facts.
As for accusing anyone of being hysterical, mean, or jealous: well, just read Trixie’s rant above. With material like that, I don’t think I need to make any “accusations” at all.
I’d also point out that there’s a pretty key omission in your declaration that “Alexa was caught out lying in a way that created problems for a lot of innocent people”. The problems for a lot of innocent people were created by those who kept trying to “out” Alexa, not by Alexa herself. SHE never said anything about a poor male grad student at SFSU, for example, and SHE never mentioned BlueEyedCass. All that was revealed by the flailing of the witch hunters.
And by the way, disagreeing with someone/anyone doesn’t mean, in my world, that I have “absolutely no respect” for them, as you accuse me of. Again, that’s demonizing the opposition here. Part and parcel of the mob mentality.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
DelightandDole, I want to add something else to this, and by virtue of being someone whoever Alexa is harassed and harangued in the past — because years before any of this, I refused to allow them open access to young people somewhere they very much wanted to have it, something within the guidelines of that space for everyone, but a guideline this particular person was VERY angry about since it would not give them the access they wanted — I’m afraid that I’m going to do it anonymously. That’s not the way I usually do things, but I simply get harassed enough and don’t like to open myself to more when it’s not necessary.
Not only do I feel the concerns of sex workers on this issue are and have always been SO much more than valid, please remember that this individual had other incarnations before the Alexa persona (though there was some overlap).
Through those personas (Alyssa, Cathy, Caitlain, perhaps others, for all I know) this person posed as a same-age peer to young people, and was a member of a handful of young adult communities, including one this person themselves created about sex where they kept interactive areas CLOSED to the public, areas where conversations were held with them and teens — and no other older adults, so far as I could tell — about their own sex lives (often with a lot of pretty inappropriate innuendo for someone not a peer to be fiddling with), disclosures most, if not all of them, likely would NOT have made to someone who was not the peer they presented themselves to be. And yes, in those spaces, as in others, this person stated schools and credentials that were clearly false, and life and relationship experiences that also were/are likely false. Intentionally so.
Ironically, it looks like more than a few young people in those spaces called this person out on their sense they were not authentic and noted inconsistencies with age listings and other things, more so than older adults. Unsurprisingly, this person also often wound up banned from these communities by moderators.
If you don’t find that really major, I’m not sure anyone can explain to you why it is. It’s certainly major for other youth workers and educators, especially in sexuality, but even more so, it is and was incredibly major for the young people this person tricked into sensitive personal sexual disclosures and discussions.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)
@D&D Actually in this instance I do think you have to be or have been a sex worker to understand. Sex workers from what I see are a marginalized population that in many cases are targets of violence because of their occupation. Have you ever seen or heard the list of names that is read each year on December 17th?
I don’t think someone such as myself or others who are not sex workers can fully understand what their risks or fears are like and to in anyway fluff off their real concerns is wrong.
Being well read does not mean you have 100% of the actual information that is behind all of this. If you’ve seen any of the blog posts popping up today you’ll see there are many who are in shock about this and who were put at risk. Please don’t tell me that PatBo was a harmless guy who just wanted to meet sex workers because you don’t know. None of us know or will ever know that.
Diva(Quote) (Reply)
You must be joking when you accuse me of key omissions:
Alexa didn’t have to mention BlueEyedCass because she stole BlueEyedCass’s pictures. She therefore directly implicated BEC by appropriating her visual identity as “her” own, including not only pictures of her body but of her face. Anyone who stumbled on BEC’s site after seeing Alexa’s would make the connection, no maliciousness or intent of any type required.
Ditto the decision to place Alexa (the persona) in a small graduate program whose actual members were all identified online with personal backgrounds and photographs. It’s insulting and disingenuous that you keep trying to displace all responsibility for Alexa’s lies onto the individuals smart enough to know that Alexa was complete BS. (It’s also entirely unconvincing.)
Everyone who tries to engage with you in good faith fails, because you’re only interested in creating an echo chamber. How unhelpful and what a waste of everyone’s time when there could be useful conversations taking place about a wide variety of the issues at hand.
Monica(Quote) (Reply)
First hand accounts from women who were set up with Pat (see also comments): http://www.justcallmeten.com/2010/10/first-post-its-a-doozy/
Trixie(Quote) (Reply)
Apologies for the second post, but I had to add that it’s also ridiculous of you (D+D) to imply that I’m leveling some personal attack by assessing the level of regard you’ve shown toward a variety of sex workers on this issue. Your twitter feed shows you calling them “jealous twits” and “witch hunters” for voicing their opinion that their community had been violated. And in this very comment thread you’ve maintained that “jealousy” is the motivating factor, while numerous individuals keep trying to (politely) point out the valid concerns that have been at issue for almost a year now with regards to the Alexa persona. They’re wasting their time (yes, I am too) because you continue to disregard any explanations you don’t like.
I understand you are in the minority with your opinions, but that doesn’t mean you’re being victimized by everyone who disagrees with you. If you’d like to direct me to some evidence of you being respectful to a sex worker (I’m sorry, but an “I miss you Alexa” tweet does not count,) I’d be happy to correct my impression. I’ll assume your apologies for the actual demonizing and misrepresenting you’ve been doing are forthcoming.
Monica(Quote) (Reply)
As one of the people that Expose-a-Ho/Alexa/Pat Bohannon targeted in his lame ass smear/expose` campaign, I’m sad that people are still cheering for this douchebag. Its really alarming to me just how weird the story has gotten with this guy and I honestly don’t feel safe right now, especially after reading how he tried to reference himself? WTF? or attempted to talk to pre-teens about sex? EW?
I was “punished” before for speaking out about this and I’m sure some shit slinging will come my way for opening my mouth again, but I don’t really give a fuck. Dear Pat: I hope DEMA fires your ass, I hope your wife leaves you and I hope the media gets a hold of this story so that you really feel EXPOSED.
Sequoia(Quote) (Reply)
I met “caitlain/alexa” (Cathy for short) about 5 years ago on the myjellybean forums. Not too long after I joined, they shut down the sex and relationship advice section and I got an email from her saying that she had started up her own sex advice forums and that I was welcome there.
So I went to C3 (caitlain’s corner community) and eventually got access to an 18+ forums she had on there. However, not everyone was 18+, including myself (I was 17). One person was probably bout 15/16 (and was very very close to Cathy) but the rest were 17-almost 18 or above. Nude photos were posted on a regular basis. Both of members and of erotica/porn.
Following the timeline, 2+ years ago I got an email from her saying that she was contemplating escort services since there wasn’t much in terms of dancing work in SF, where she was going to go for her Masters in Human Sexuality. She sent me a demo of her site asking for suggestions.
So Cathy and Alexa are the same person indeed. A friend on the c3 forums sent me a link to the blueyedcass stuff and said that Cathy was stealing her photos. I found it a bit hard to believe because there were times where she posted photos of herself that looked like they were right from her phone. Later I found that they were from Cass’s twitter. I’ve tried contacting Cass to see if they are the same person (because wouldn’t she reply if she recognized the email address?) Nothing.
I asked Cathy about the sites and she said that it was something she started doing when she was in her teens, her family knew, friends knew, etc… I asked what she’d do if someone made the connection. She said she’d deal with it if it happened, but didn’t think it would because the demographics were different (oh how wrong she was).
Anyway, I’m not sure what the point of this is really. I’m more worried about that 15 year old on c3 (who I won’t name) and Cathy had her wrapped around her finger for a while.
However the (then) 15 year old has said that she was emailing back and forth with Cathy/Alexa one time and Alexa emailed her from that Thomas name. She’s been suspicious for a while.
I feel foolish that I trusted this person when I was younger. And I hope (as do a lot of the people on c3) that none of the photos posted on the 18+ forums go anywhere on the internet.
parsh(Quote) (Reply)
@Monica, if anyone is playing the victim here, it most certainly is not me.
You obviously didn’t look carefully at my tweets, because there most certainly are ones that are “evidence of me being respectful to a sex worker.. I won’t lower myself to point out the specific ones, because I frankly don’t get the impression you will pay attention anyway. And no, I wouldn’t assume any apologies from me are forthcoming to you. Interesting way to argue, though. Moreover, I’m not being disrespectful to sex workers in any way. I’m pointing out that intense emotion is carrying the day over FACTS, and saying that a lot of this is maybe being intentionally orchestrated by unknown, anonymous people with unknown motives who mounted a planned and synchronized attack designed to stir people up by taking advantage of areas where they are vulnerable.
In any dispute, one way I look at it is to see who is being hateful, vengeful, and nasty, and who isn’t. The post by expose-a-bro, and much of the dialog on twitter and on blogs, is pretty darned creepy along those lines. And it’s stirred up the mob quite successfully, as he/she/they intended, to the point where no one seems to really care about facts over supposition.
We’re clearly all talking past each other here, and the “Trixie rant” approach (circle the wagons and attack) is way more prevalent than sober and more useful responses such as the one above from “Not Today”. So I doubt I’ll weigh in any more. It’s pretty clear that y’all have made your minds up, irrevocably.
DelightAndDole(Quote) (Reply)
I can vouch that Alexa was passing off pics of Blue Eyed Cass as herself. She sent them to me privately and said “please don’t tweet or share”. Digging on the web led me to Cass who is NOT Alexa. Alexa/Pat/whoever was using Cass’s photos and passing them off as herself. Period. No ifs ands or buts about it.
angel(Quote) (Reply)
parsh: I hate to respond to you anonymously since you already got burned by someone anonymous. However, Charlie knows who I am and he and others can vouch for me. I’m a very visible and dedicated longtime youth advocate, particularly around sexuality issues, including abuse. With sensitive things like this, the least someone deserves is to have a real idea of with whom they are interacting. I’m sorry I’m not personally offering you that now. [Note- I can definitely vouch for Not Today and everything she says. Charlie.]
I want to make sure that you and anyone else know that IF any of you shared things like nude photos of yourselves as minors with this person who was an adult, photos solicited in any way by that person — which, if they made a forum asking for said photos to be posted, they did — you were victims of a CRIME. A very serious crime, here in the states.
I know any of this is obviously scary and embarrassing, but if this is the case for any of you, there very much are systems in place to protect you and your privacy if this individual kept your photos or other personal details.
There are ways to protect yourselves in this now. Anyone could visit their local police station (daunting, I know, but so is having something private in the hands of someone who, if nothing else, we can all clearly know is not on the up-and-up), call legal aid or your ACLU branch, or go to a department of children and family services about this. My best advice would be to contact your local ACLU chapter first. They have young people’s backs, and are just excellent advocates (I’ve been an ACLU client myself and have nothing but good things to say).
Okay? You don’t have to just hope this person protects your privacy. You can take action and get help to steer you through channels to make sure you’re as protected as possible.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)
@Not Today
I’m not from the states and I’m not a minor anymore. I didn’t post anything that wasn’t covered up or didn’t have my face blurred, but I will pass the information onto other who are in the states and did post explicit photos. Thank you
parsh(Quote) (Reply)
Of course.
Also know that even if you are not a minor NOW if a) you were then and b) the site was served in the states, which I believe it was, you still have recourse here. In other words, it would still be a crime on behalf on an adult who was living in the states.
If you want a contact like the ACLU in the country where you are, you could email the ACLU for a referral.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)
Cheers for the giggle this a.m. Trixie – agreed, when someone is paying they can get any of us to say anything they want. But off the clock our thoughts are our own, and that’s the nice thing about sex work – no one asks you to sign a non-compete clause on your way out the door
Let’s face it, this isn’t a debate. There’s some halfarsed “Teach the controversy”-style trolling going on, but who cares? I’ve yet to hear verifiable sex educator or sex worker step up to defend the fake blogger, and that’s because they won’t. There are some who are more “meh” about it, and some who are more measured in their responses, but no one with credibility is suggesting Alexa is or ever was an actual sex worker or an actual sexuality grad student.
Again, for me, this is about what Alexa claimed to be in terms of an educator and a trusted source. (I agree the stolen content is concerning too, but since I’m not a visual content provider, I’m less exercised about that.) Shirley Shave was fake, but Shirley Shave wasn’t handing out advice and contacts about how to get into the biz. People are reacting with passion to this because they know the difference between harmless fantasy, and creepy Walter Mitty. Alexa was Baron Castleshort-level bullshit.
Also, “envy”? With 5 international bestsellers and 4 seasons of Billie Piper getting her kecks off in my name – and a real-life, not-made-up doctorate – trust me, I envy no one. Certainly not anyone pretending to be what I actually am.
Whaddya gonna do, trolls? Out me? *snort*
Belle de Jour(Quote) (Reply)
I met “Cathy” aka Caitlain/Alexa when I was 16 (4-5 years ago) on a teen forum. Same story as Parsh up there. She (he) spoke to me several times about my sexual encounters and explicitly told me to share naked pictures of myself (which I did on occasion) on the caitlainscorner forums. to my memory I posted one semi nude photo when I was only 17 because she said it was fine as long as my nipples and vagina were not visible in the picture. I had photos of myself performing sexual acts because we were all trusting of the others in the forum.
I trusted Cathy and considered myself close to her. After reading this http://twitpic.com/30px40/full I can almost guarantee that she is really this Pat. So many things in that description were things she said all the time, right down to the feel of denim on her privates, sleeping naked and enjoying italian food. Pat is 100% Cathy/Alexa in my opinion.
I have only found out about this today but it sickens me and I feel awful for ever beleiving Caitlain.
fred(Quote) (Reply)
fred: whomever this person is or is not, I want to make sure any of you understand and know that ANYONE who is an adult soliciting minors in that way has committed a serious crime.
Again, I strongly encourage any of you with these stories to act in your own protection now and contact the ACLU, law enforcement, or a child protective agency. You do not have to know who this was or was not to report this, you only have to know all of what you already do: where it happened online, screen names, emails, etc. Finding out who this is/was is on those agencies, not on you.
I also don’t mean to belabor what is undoubtedly a painful point right now, but hopefully it’s already obvious that if and when someone pushes you online for personal sexual disclosures or images in a space that is not/cannot be moderated by anyone, and/or where there are legal minors involved, it is very important you TELL SOMEONE, however embarrassing or scary that may feel. That’s for your own safety and the safety of others.
In the case anyone else in parsh or fred’s position is reading but not posting, by all means, TELL SOMEONE who can go through the proper channels to take the appropriate action.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)
Such fascinating discourse, and I must say I am a bit shocked at some of the comments.
What I think is important to note here is that this man, if he is indeed Alexa (and the evidence I’ve heard directly from the mouth of one of his victims indicates to me that he is, or is at least very much involved), is a continuing threat. And he is not just a threat to “sex workers” (though if it were only sex workers that were his victims, this would still be enough), but is a threat to all women. What he is doing is misrepresenting his credentials and experience, luring women from all walks of life into sex work as would a pimp, and then taking advantage of those women as a John.
I, personally, am a well-educated, sex-positive individual who has been married to my husband for more than nine years now. I am not a sex worker, have never been a sex worker, and have no plans to become a sex worker, but I related to Alexa. I only began corresponding with “her” when I began my own blog earlier this year, and shared many an intellectual and flirtatious conversation with her in this time. I had missed out on the hullabaloo from last year and on the surface sensed no red flags of suspicion as to her authenticity. As embarrassed as I am about it in hindsight, I lauded her experience and intellect to friends.
In this time, Alexa even propositioned me to meet with her client — offering him to me as an experience, given my liberal sexuality. Sure, I may have said no, but I could just as easily have taken the bait. As it is, I feel victim enough over the deceit and the trust that she was able to develop even with me. It’s fucking sick and this person needs to be stopped.
What worries me is that, likely, a majority of his victims are sex workers and are not ready to have a shitstorm rain down upon them for their choice of career. And because of this, he’s going to walk free to reinvent Alexa under another name, with another flashy website and more intellectual stimulation, all ready to lure in new victims, be them women or children.
I find it just unacceptable to sit idly by to watch and wait for this to happen.
Zelda Gillian(Quote) (Reply)
I think Belle de Jour’s comment about Alexa sums up my anxiety about this whole sad case: ‘Because genuine sex educators fight to have their research taken seriously by prurient morons in mainstream media, and someone who tweets about “teaching your sons and daughters to suck ass and lick pussy” is absolutely not for real’
I was approached by Alexa when running Caitlin’s Corner and was under the initial impression it was a genuine advice site for young people – with a young woman writing it who wanted to connect with other sex educators. When I saw the site some of the advice given didn’t strike me as sticking to good practice however and so I didn’t feel able to support it. Colleagues also shared their concerns and people distanced themselves from the site. Given the allegations of requests for naked pictures and possible harm to minors I sincerely wish more attention had been paid. I would support other posters in this thread by saying to anyone who was asked to provide such images to report this.
Sex education is hard enough at the best of times without people claiming qualifications they don’t have and giving advice that may be misleading or unhelpful. While in some cases blogging or writing online may need to be anonymous, when working with young people – particularly on potentially sensitive topics – is something where we cannot risk people claiming to be something other than they actually are.
It worries me young people were seeking advice from a site that seemed to be hosted by a genuine sex educator and was at best not a genuine advice site and at worse a place of potential abuse.
Parents, the media, the moral majority and many working in health/education are already anxious about sex education – often seeing it as corrupt or abusive. It only takes one case of someone claiming to be something they are not and falsifying qualifications to give power to those who oppose sex education.
There is a place for fantasy in sex blogging but not when it puts sex worker’s safety in jepoardy, young people’s wellbeing at risk, when it presents misleading information under the guise of ‘sex education’, or when it harms the reputation of genuine sex workers and educators.
This has been a sad and sorry case, although the lessons learned from it for sex educators are to be far clearer about what to expect from sex advice sites/blogs and to alert people about where potential abuse/exploitation may arise. It’s disgraceful we should have to do this but sadly it seems necessary.
I can only repeat the point from the start of this post, genuine sex educators work professionally, ethically and transparently. We do not seek to abuse, exploit or misrepresent. Particularly with young people, the vulnerable or those dealing with difficult or sensitive issues.
Petra Boynton(Quote) (Reply)
I am writing here because I’ve noticed others from C3 posting their stories and I feel compelled to share.
I met Caitlain on MJB. It was around the time that the sex & sexuality thread was going no where and eventually got deleted. A few of us started our own free forum where all of us could ask questions freely without being hassled and Caitlain offered me a moderator position on her forum.
After being there a very short time, she allowed me access to what was supposed to be an adult forum where people posted information that was not suitable for minors. I never posted revealing photos of myself before I was 18.. but the fact that this person tried to hard to get others to share photos. It sickens me.
She encouraged people to be open about their sexual escapades and even encouraged them in some instances. She would flirt shamelessly with girls on the forum and in one instance she talked about some of us meeting.
I feel like such an idiot for trusting this person.
freakedout(Quote) (Reply)
Wow, the fraud’s finally been exposed. For years, I’ve tried to expose this person, but the people on her sites often didn’t believe what I had to say. “She”‘d magically make private messages to them disappear and ban me from even coming on to the sites. I could only prove it to people that I could convince to talk to me on another site. There were a few, but most were faithful followers. When I threatened to expose her, a few times, “she” went into hiding and magically “was too busy with school and couldn’t work on “her”
site” and stuff like that.
I’m glad somebody got the whole story and shut this thing down. “Her” advice was bad and often contradicted medical advice.
Fuck this psychopath.
Joe Homeowner(Quote) (Reply)
I don’t know much about this blogger. I trust the views on this issue of other previously anonymous sex bloggers (and sex worker in her case) such as Belle de Jour.
But I think a little too much is being made about the ‘fake qualifications’. I have noticed amongst sex educators a certain snobbery around ‘qualifications’. Obviously some people have benefitted from training in a field and this has added to their expertise, but equally there are sex educators with no formal qualifications, and ones who do not even go so far as to identify themselves as sex educators but who share their extensive knowledge and experience.
AND I know a fair few of ‘qualified’ and ‘respected’ sex educators whose advice and expertise I do not trust or respect at all.
I am not into people who lie and boast about qualifications or experience they do not have. But I am not so interested in someone’s bits of paper, real or fake, as I am in the quality of information they give and the spirit in which they communicate with others.
Quiet Riot Girl(Quote) (Reply)
@Quiet Riot Girl: I fully agree- you don’t have to have academic credentials to be a great sex educator. And having the credentials doesn’t make you a great sex educator. But to pretend to have credentials in order to dupe people is wrong.
Charlie(Quote) (Reply)
Again, another c3 member coming forth. I’m not sure if all these stories are completely necessary, but here goes. I was a member of myjellybean 5 years ago. I was young, confused, and curious about sex. After the sex forum there got closed down, a bunch of us migrated to c3 after “she” invited us, telling us that it was a forum with legitimate sex advice. I was young and I joined and “Alexa” became a big part of my life.
We spoke very frequently often over gmail-chat. I one time asked her if she texted, because since we spoke so often, it seemed natural. She told me that she didn’t use her phone much and turned me down, big surprise. I shared a lot with Alexa, my thoughts, fantasies, desires, private pictures and I even took her advise into consideration before acting on real life sexual situations. A few of which I regret. I tried to be “liberated” as she claimed to be. I was young and impressionable and fighting depression and she was something solid in my life.
I became a moderator her website. She would even send the moderators amazon gift certificates for Christmas. She’d flirt with with us, call us “sweetcheeks,” and make us feel good about ourselves and foolishly I was young enough to buy into it. I even remember before she was “Alexa” and when she was talking with us all about getting into prostitution. We gave her input about site designs and I even remember when one girl finally helped her come up with the name “Alexa.”
This whole thing has made me and and a lot of close friends who knew her feel very very off. Over the past year or two, I’d realized that there was something very off about her and my communication with her pretty much stopped. This entire thing is out of control, and while “Alexa” was against prejudice and had many good opinions, that isn’t enough to excuse that fact that she faked her education, faked her qualifications, claimed to know more than medical professionals, and preyed on many, many underage girls.
What scares me the most is that when I see a picture of this man, I see nothing familiar, but then I realize that this is who I’ve been talking to for years and this is who I’ve been blindly following and this is who knows all those things about me that I only ever meant for “Alexa” to hear.
hiding(Quote) (Reply)
Some of what is being disclosed here can ABSOLUTELY be reported and, if you were a minor who an adult sexually solicited in the United States, can likely still be investigated and result in charges even if you are no longer a minor. I know it’s easy to get caught up in feeling ashamed or foolish, but please recognize that the behaviors some of you are reporting on the part of this person are NOT YOUR FAULT.
Here is a basic link for reporting internet crimes: http://www.justice.gov/criminal/cybercrime/reporting.htm
NO ONE who is disclosing some of what is being disclosed here needs to know who exactly this person was. All you need to know is who YOU are and where it happened, and then someone will go through the appropriate channels to investigate this properly.
Obviously, as with any crime where you’re a victim, you need to decide for yourself what feels best for you and what you think will serve you best, but this is one valid option for taking care of yourself and doing what you can about this in a way that is most likely to correctly identify this person and potentially result in appropriate charges.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)
Truth be known….I was one of them who was taken in hook, line, and sinker about “Alexa diCarlo” as a sex worker and a “sexpert”; even to the point of, when the allegations first surfaced, pretty much dismising them in pretty much the same forms as “jealousy”. Based on the solid evidence brought out, though, the truth of this ruse, though still hard to swallow, is nevertheless obvious.
Like Quiet Riot Grrl, though, I would be a bit careful about overemphasizing “Alexa”‘s “sex education credentials”…..mostly because “she” didn’t assume any professional creds as an actual sex educator (save for “her” entering some indescript and nonexistent sex ed program at San Francisco State). Like every other part of the ruse, this was more of a trich designed to grant “herself” the authority to get into the minds of her potential victims (whether as “Alexa” or as “Cathy”/”Caitlin”) and asume their trust in “her”. As “Alexa”, “she” was far more to play the “educated/ethical slut” who simply used her allegedly earned “sexpertese” as a high-end escort to get into the hearts — and ultimately, panties — of his targets.
It seems to me that the real scam in all this was that “Alexa” was using and expropriating the persona of a mature, sexually expierenced, and free spirited woman — basically, the most common stereotype of the “good nympho” — as a means to decieve and win over people and cloak “her” predatory behavior.
The fact remains that there are actual, real, live women who do indeed live that “lifestyle” but with genuine consideration for the risks involved, who don’t have anywhere near the platform that “Alexa” had; and those women will suffer a great deal of the aftereffects of “Alexa’s” sick little game.
Nevertheless, I want to caution against using this episode as an excuse to slam sexually progressive/sexually active women who do blog their real-life experiences and promote more open discussion or safer sex practices. As easy as it is to condamn men like Pat Bohannan for playing his role fantasies on his victims; we have to remember that real women and men do engage in sexual activity that some may interpret as beyond the pale and dangerous; and that our goal as progressive sex educators and activists should be NOT to prejudge them, but to give them the tools to practice their chosen activity in a safer and more sane and humane fashion.
Finally, I want to make perfectly clear that it is the lying and deception and the misuse and misappropriation of other people’s true experiences and credentials that makes this such a tragic scandal. There is nothing at all wrong with roleplaying or even developing a persona to vicariously recreate your favored personal sexual fantasies, as long as everything is open and transparent that this is, in fact, a fantasy for personal entertainment only.
Just my quarter’s worth…
Anthony
Anthony Kennerson(Quote) (Reply)
Charlie-Her entire persona was fake. It stands to reason-deductive, actually-that the credentials were fake as well and part of the branded persona. Anyone trusting her credentials-or the credentials of any stranger or as remittancegirl pointed out, ANY HOOKER AT ALL-needs their head checked.
The Alexa entity is poised uniquely to eviscerate the online sex work industry and cause much hurt to its pr efforts; given the extremes to which “Alexa” was…pursued, I know what I’m hoping for…
E(Quote) (Reply)
@Anthony Actually, SFSU has a Master’s Program in Human Sexuality. Here’s the link. It’s not a huge program, but it is very active and many people within sex education and sexological circles are familiar with it. Not that that takes away from your other points, but it is worth being clear about the fact Alexa was pretending to have academic or professional credentials in order to make people think that she had credibility.
Charlie(Quote) (Reply)
A lot of people feel foolish and embarrassed for trusting this person, men and women, young and old. It’s not your fault for liking and trusting someone who worked (and continues to work) SO HARD to groom victims, to MAKE you like him. He invested tons of time, effort and money into tricking people; even the smartest and most experienced people can be taken in by someone who is so driven devote his life to fooling people into trusting him.
There are a lot of people older than you folks from c3 who are thankful to read your stories because they too were tricked by this person but being older also thought it was their own faults and that whatever happened to them could have been worse. Your stories – and every single person who has the guts to tell them — help everyone else know that only ONE person is responsible for so many bad feelings and trusts betrayed, and that one person is Alexa/Caitlain/Pat. Your stories help dispel lingering doubts other people have about the seriousness, persistence, and reach of this person’s many frauds.
Every single time someone is brave enough to tell what happened to them, a few more people come out after reading it and more is revealed.
It’s unfair how many victims of this person feel bad — bad about themselves, and sorry for him — while he continues to insist he never did anything wrong. HE DID. And he shouldn’t be able to KEEP doing it. Every one of these stories is important because a few of them put together and reported could stop him for good from grooming other victims in the future.
I know “victim” is a serious word and these situations could have been much worse, but that doesn’t make what he did to you and others okay, acceptable or tolerable. There are victims of fraud who have only had money stolen from them; this person stole much more than that.
Trixie(Quote) (Reply)
I’m not sure of the tangible legal options, but I am sickened and dismayed about what seems pretty inappropriate contact with minors under 18. One must wonder if he was attempting those connections online, what other attempts might he have been making offline? My concerns go beyond simply bad advice and direction of young and impressionable girls, and I feel warrants further scrutiny from the authorities IMO.
This type of thing is exactly what contributes to the disruption of developing sexual agency in individuals, contrary to what Alexa/Caitlyn/Pat was claiming to advocate.
To those that were duped in ways beyond simply falling for the fantasy: I hope that you understand that this has nothing to do with age or inexperience-grown adults with more life experience were duped as well. Predators (and at this point I am considering Pat to be a predator) are well versed at how to lie and deceive, to the point of having some not EVER want to believe otherwise. I hope that you are able to process all of this and eventually move forward, taking the gifts of the knowledge gained in this and leaving all the hurt and mistrust behind.
Sincerely,
Megan
Sex Workers for Choice(Quote) (Reply)
@Anthony @quietriotgrrl and others: in case it isn’t clear, while by all means, sex educators come from a host of different tracks, and have varying credentials, education and training what VERY MUCH MATTERS, especially with young people, is a) transparency and authenticity and b) that any credentials, education and training BEING claimed are bonafide.
No one HAS to have a given degree to work in this field in many different ways, which makes manufacturing false credentials — already patently unacceptable no matter the situation — particularly insipid.
Not Today(Quote) (Reply)