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Wow. This is exactly what I wrote about in The Performance of Masculinity. (click on the image to see it full size)
This lovely “report” was created by Pat Lynch, a high school guidance counselor and football coach from Wyoming, and given to the football team. It seems that his way of dealing with boys who have been bullied is to shame them into the Act Like a Man Box. Some of the highlights from the “Hurt Feelings Report” include:
- I am thin skinned
- I am a pussy
- I am a queer
- I am a little bitch
- I want my mommy
- I have woman like hormones
Name of “Real Man” who hurt your sensitive little feelings
Name of little …
Continue reading A Perfect Illustration of the Act Like a Man Box
I recently attended a lecture by Robert Jensen, noted radical feminist, anti-pornography activist, and one of the producers of The Price of Pleasure, an anti-porn film that I’ve written about here and here. I went because I wanted to see what he was like in person. I’ve read some of his work, and I figured it would be useful to check his talk out.
I have quite a lot to say about his lecture. In fact, there’s so much to untangle that this post is split into multiple pages, which is a first for me. But it isn’t until all of the different threads are teased out that the larger pattern becomes apparent. So stick with me and see how it all fits …
Continue reading Untangling the Gordian Knot: An Analysis of a Lecture by Robert Jensen
This post also appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.
One of the things that I enjoy about art is its ability to question, challenge, or simply shine a light on our assumptions about how things are. Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze opens tonight at SOMArts Cultural Center and I’m really looking forward to going. The first part of the exhibit statement explains:
The goal of this exhibition Man as Object – Reversing the Gaze is to turn the tables and to exhibit works that put the male in the position of art subject and spectacle. What does it mean to objectify men? What does it mean to reverse the (male) gaze? What are the visible signs of maleness and masculinity? How are
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Continue reading Turning the Tables at Man As Object: Reversing the Gaze
Following up on my post yesterday, I had a really interesting conversation with Meghan Murphy of the F Word, both on her blog and on Facebook. After sleeping on it, I realized where something was missing from my description of sex-positivity. I had thought it was implicit in my choice of words, but looking back at things I’ve said, I don’t think it really was.
One of the difficulties that I’ve faced in discussing sex-positivity with some folks is that there are two different lenses that a lot of people use when talking about these issues. Some use an entirely personal lens, as in “I like doing this thing, or I find it empowering, so that makes it OK.” And others look at …
Continue reading Expanding My View of Sex-Positivity
Meghan over at the F-Word has a thought-provoking piece about the recent post by the Pervocracy on sex-positivity, and it’s inspired me to finally write something that’s been on my mind for a while.
As I’ve said before, I think that the only relevant criteria for assessing a sexual act or practice is the consent, pleasure, and well-being of the people involved. While that may sound simple, there’s a lot more to it than may be immediately apparent. After all, consent is really only meaningful when one has the ability to make a fully empowered decision. That’s limited by what options people are aware of (sex education!) and believe are open to them, among other things. If you’ve been taught that you have to have …
Continue reading The Complexities of Sexual Well-Being
One of the complaints about sex education for children is that it sexualizes them. Generally, I hear this sort of thing from people who push for abstinence-only programs even though they don’t work. But whatever the motivations behind it, I think it’s worth taking a look at the idea that talking about sexuality creates sexualization, especially since it’s used to attack sex education.
For example, The Guardian has an article about Lynette Burrows, a “family values” campaigner who said:
I think parents have the absolute right to protect their children from this sort of education which is so unhelpfully obsessed with destroying childhood innocence, in a way that’s reminiscent of paedophilia. To me, anyone who wants to talk dirty to little children is
…
Continue reading The Difference Between Talking About Sex And Having Sex
Have you noticed how often the word “family” or the term “family-friendly” gets used? And have you given any attention to what it has come to mean?
The newsfeeds have been all a-buzz today with the story of Leisha Hailey getting kicked off a Southwest Airlines plane when she kissed her girlfriend. According to the airline, some people complained that their kiss was excessive and when flight attendants stepped in, Hailey got upset, so they kicked her off the plane. It’s unlikely that Hailey and her girlfriend were doing anything that heterosexual couples haven’t done. And in fact, according to the conversation on The Talk about the event, it seems that when Bruce Jenner & his wife Kris snuck away to the bathroom when they …
Continue reading “Family-Friendly” is a Cop Out
This turned up in my RSS feed today and it sounds like an amazing project. See below and pass it on!
Joan Price is seeking erotic stories and memoir essays of high literary quality from writers over age 50, featuring steamy characters also over age 50, for a senior erotica anthology to be published Spring 2013 by Seal Press.
Will this be your typical erotica anthology with a few wrinkles?
No, the truth is that we seniors don’t respond to the sopping-wet panties and rock-hard erections that are the hallmark of traditional, youth-oriented erotica. Instead, we want erotica that we can relate to, that encompasses the changes and adaptations of age, that acknowledges how we like to be stimulated. Age is accepted, celebrated, and sensually …
Continue reading Call for Submissions: Erotic Stories About Sex After 50
Last week, some Republican Florida politicians pushed back against one of their number who wants to repeal some laws against unmarried (heterosexual) couples that live together but aren’t married. This law has been on the books since the late 1800′s but isn’t enforced too often. And while some politicians are hesitant to talk about it, State Rep. Dennis Baxley (R) said, “I’m not ready to give up on monogamy and a cultural statement that marriage still matters.”
He might be surprised to hear that I agree with him that I want marriage to matter. But I don’t think it means the same thing to both of us.
What marriage means to me is people making a commitment to each other to support, care for, and …
Continue reading I Want Marriage to Mean Something, Too
Utne Reader’s new article about Dirty Girls Ministries is getting a fair amount of notice. DGM is an organization dedicated to“helping women struggling with pornography and sexual addiction, which sounds laudable until you start looking deeper.
Like many sex educators and sexologists, I have a lot of problems with the ways in which “sex addiction” is framed. For example, the issue is usually discussed in the context of how many partners someone has or how often they have sex, rather than looking at the deeper motivations behind their behaviors. It’s also used to attack people whose sexual desires or practices fall outside the “norm”. (As if the “norm” has any meaning besides the strictly statistical.) It’s often based on pseudoscience …
Continue reading Dirty Girls Ministries: This Is What Sexual Shame Looks Like
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