Ask our Docs: Prostate Play and Pleasure
January 25, 7-8 pm, Free
Good Vibrations Valencia St., 603 Valencia St. (at 17th), San Francisco
The prostate is one of the most overlooked sexual organs, but it can bring you amazing pleasure. With a little know-how, you can have lots of prostate fun, on your own or with a partner. Charlie Glickman, Ph.D will tell you everything you need to know to get started, what toys work best for prostate play, tips for making it easier, and more. Whether you or your partner are new to prostate fun or you’re looking for some new ideas, come get your questions answered and discover how amazing it can be!

Film Screening & Reception to benefit Advocates for Informed Choice
January 26, 6-9 pm
Suggested donation: $50
Congregation Sha’ar Zahav, 290 Dolores Street, San Francisco
Please join us for a 10th anniversary retrospective of the award-winning documentary, “XXXY”. Q&A will follow with filmmaker Porter Gale and Anne Tamar-Mattis, Executive Director of AIC.

Filmmaker Magazine calls “XXXY” “essential filmmaking” as it “concisely and powerfully conveys horror, injustice and tremendous personal fortitude.” This 13-minute documentary features two adults, Howard and Kristi, who were subjected to extensive nonconsensual cosmetic genital surgery as infants and teenagers because they were born with intersex conditions.

Founded in 2006, Advocates for Informed Choice is the only organization in the U.S. to undertake a coordinated strategy of legal advocacy for the rights of children with intersex conditions or DSDs (differences of sex development).

Garage parking is available at Hoff Street Garage (16th/Mission). Also, MUNI underground and the 16th St. BART station are very good transportation options.

Sex Positive Discussion Panel- Let’s Talk Consent!
January 27, 7-10 pm, $7.50 in advance, $10 at the door
The Mills College Community Health Resource Center is proud to present our second annual Sex Positive Discussion Panel! This year, our speakers are:

Carol Queen
Jiz Lee
Charlie Glickman
Krista Smith
Dossie Easton
Shilo Mccabe
with more to come

This year’s theme is consent. How do we give and get consent? What does this mean in terms of BDSM? How do we enact consent when dealing with sexual assault? How can consent be eroticized?

Mills students get in free, with current ID at the door. Tickets for non-Mills community members are $7.50 if purchased before the date and $10 at the door. Coffee and cookies will be for sale in the lobby afterward.

Good Vibrations New Store Grand Opening Party!
January 28, 6-9 pm, Free
Good Vibrations Oakland, 3219 Lakeshore Ave.
Join us as we celebrate the launch of our 6th store on Lakeshore Avenue in Oakland, California. Plus, meet very special guest Kandi Burruss, Grammy-winning songwriter, singer, producer, and Real Housewife of Atlanta, presenting her new intimate luxury line “Bedroom Kandi!” Enjoy free sexy prizes from the Wheel of Pleasure, including several Burguss’ own Bedroom Kandi line from OhMiBod, along with tasty treats, and keepsake photos from the Good Vibrations custom photo booth.

Prostate Play with Charlie Glickman & Aislinn Emirzian!
The Looking Glass, Oakland, CA
January 29, 2-4 pm, $20 or $35/pair
Purchase tickets and find location info here
The prostate is one of the most overlooked sources of sexual pleasure but with a little know-how, you can tap into its amazing sexual potential. Sex educators Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian will make sure you have all the tools you need to make your prostate play as fun as it can be. They’ll talk about the three most important ingredients for anal play, the physiology of the prostate and how it affects pleasure, tips for prostate massage, using toys, incorporating prostate play into other sexual activities, and male multiple orgasm. By the end of the workshop, you’ll have all the tools you need to have plenty of prostate fun!

(Note- if you’re wondering what the difference is between this workshop and the free one on 1/25, this one goes much longer, gives you a lot more info, and has plenty of time for Q&A. The 1 hour version at Good Vibrations is a lot faster and has less time for discussion.)

[SSEX BBOX] Premiere!
January 30, 7:30-11 pm, Free
The Center for Sex & Culture, 1349 Mission Street, San Francisco
[SSEX BBOX] is a social justice web series and documentary that aspires to create sexual awareness worldwide. We believe that sex should be discussed, explored, felt and consciously experienced more “outside of the box”.
[SSEX BBOX] expands consciousness by examining and challenging two dimensional, archaic and obsolete understandings of sexuality and gender. Constructing community, education, & dialogue – dismantling ignorance, isolation & shame…

This event will screen the first and second episodes of the [SSEX BBOX] documentary series.

Explore the world outside of your sex box through thought-provoking interviews with nationally recognized sex educators and sex-perts , such as ; Dossie Easton, MFT (Psychotherapist & Writer), Chris White, PhD, Charlie Glickman, PhD (Sex Educator & Sex-Positive Activist) Jessi Fischer, MA (Writer & Sex Educator) and more…
and conversations that matter!

Meet the director and [SSEX BBOX] crew after the film!

If you’re curious about p-spot pleasure or you just want some new ways to have a great time, come join us!

Prostate Play with Charlie Glickman & Aislinn Emirzian!
The Looking Glass, Oakland, CA
January 29, 2-4 pm, $20 or $35/pair
Purchase tickets and find location info here
The prostate is one of the most overlooked sources of sexual pleasure but with a little know-how, you can tap into its amazing sexual potential. Sex educators Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian will make sure you have all the tools you need to make your prostate play as fun as it can be. He’ll talk about the three most important ingredients for anal play, the physiology of the prostate and how it affects pleasure, tips for prostate massage, using toys, incorporating prostate play into other sexual activities, and male multiple orgasm. By the end of the workshop, you’ll have all the tools you need to have plenty of prostate fun!

There have been plenty of books written about how male/female couples can improve their relationships by learning to see things from the other person’s perspective. Of course, that’s helpful for couples of all gender combinations and sexual orientations, but the differences in both biology and experience often create barriers for m/f pairs. Pegging is a surprisingly effective way to find out what sex is like for your partner.

For men who have never been on the receiving side of penetration, sex is something that happens outside the body. And when sex is external to your body, it can be easier to do when you have a headache or you’re not quite in the mood. A lot of men discover than when sex is about catching rather than pitching, their mood, their emotions, and their connection to a partner can often have a bigger influence on what they want to do and how it feels.

I’ve talked with quite a few men about what they’ve learned from pegging and although it isn’t universal, many of them have said that they have a better understanding how their female partners might need more warm-up before intercourse, or might be in the mood for sex but not penetration, or how much one’s pleasure can be affected by seemingly minor events. Granted, anal penetration is different from vaginal penetration, but my point is simply that a physical experience can be a much more effective teacher than reading a book, just as a picture is worth 1000 words.

On the flip side, when they try pegging, a lot of women discover how much work, responsibility, and (sometimes) power can go along with fucking someone. And that’s without worrying about their cock ejaculating too soon, getting soft at random moments, or being the wrong size (assuming they have choices- there are lots of dildo options out there).

So while I’m not suggesting that it’s a panacea, I do think that trying out sex from the other side can make it easier to understand and have compassion for your partner. That isn’t limited to m/f couples or, for that matter, pegging. But given how many heterosexual folks have never tried strap-on play, it does seem like there’s an unmet need there. It won’t make communication miraculously easy and it won’t fix everything about sexism or gender-based inequities. What it can do (besides being lots of fun) is help people develop empathy, compassion, and understanding for their partners. And the more of that we have in the world, the better.

Want to try it out? Check out The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men for a great overview of how to do it. There are plenty of dildos and harnesses to choose from. The Betty Harness (pictured left) is super cute! Or get an all-in-one starter kit like the Bend Over Beginner. If you want some great info on how to pick a toy out, here’s a page about dildos and one about harnesses. Or send me a question and I’ll be in touch.

I’ve taken the research on adult learning and created an easy-to-use structure that will give you a foundation for your classes while also creating enough flexibility to allow for spontaneity. I’ve used it for 45 minute presentations, two-hour long seminars, day-long trainings, and semester-long university courses. It’s easy to learn, simple to apply, and will help you make sure you don’t leave any of the essential ingredients to successful teaching out.

Here’s the workshop description, along with links to the location and where to purchase a ticket. See you there!

How to Be a Top Presenter
Sunday, July 24, 2-5 pm
$30 in advance, $35 at the door
Good Vibrations- Polk St.
Purchase tickets here
Being a great sex educator doesn’t happen by accident, so where do you go to learn the information and skills you need to be the best teacher you can be? In this interactive and engaging workshop, you’ll learn how to improve your teaching, enhance learning, and create dynamic exercises. Using a simple and flexible model of adult learning, Dr. Charlie Glickman will explain how to create useful objectives, offer tips on how to apply them in your workshop planning and teaching, show you how to create effective exercises, and make sure that your participants are getting what they came for. Whether you work with groups of 30 or 300, you’ll be able to bring your teaching to the next level, increase participant satisfaction, develop more confidence and create outstanding workshops.

I’m honored to be teaching my How to Be a Top Presenter class as part of the Institute. Although I’ll be offering a 3-hour version of this one at Good Vibrations in July, the class at the Institute will be 4 sessions, which will give us much more time to discuss practices, explore some of the theories, and build some of the practical skills that sex educators need. There are lots of other amazing teachers and to be honest, I wish I could take the time off work at attend their classes.

If you’re thinking of applying, tell them that I referred you and they’ll waive the application fee (as well as the late fee, if you miss the May 1 deadline). And no, I don’t get a commission.

Feel free to pass this along to any sex educators or students who might like to know about it. And if you plan to attend, drop me a note!

The WP Simple Sex-Positive Glossary will look through your content and turn any of the sexuality terms into links that’ll take readers to the definition of that word on Scarleteen or sexuality.about.com. It’s super easy to install and works great. Here are a few examples: sex, bisexual, safer sex, communication, kegel exercises.

I’m giving it a try- my regular links are in my standard orange color and the new ones look like this. If you want to make similar changes to the style of these links or if you want to make the links open in a new tab, you’ll need to edit the php file, but you certainly don’t need to. Big thanks to Maymay for creating this!

The new plan is to shift to an abstinence-plus program called “It’s your game, keep it real.” The idea is to offer both abstinence and risk reduction information and while the Superintendent is reminding parents that information about abstinence isn’t going away, and that kids opt out if they or their parents want, lots of folks are skeptical. One person said “We are throwing temptation in the way of the weak.” Because despite the research and the evidence that ab-only doesn’t work, plenty of people are uncomfortable with teens having sex. Even if (or perhaps, especially if) they did when they were young.

It’s a step. A small one, but still a step.

I’ll be teaching a workshop on the G-spot at the Looking Glass, a fantastic dungeon and play space in downtown Oakland. Come on by and get all your questions about G-spot play answered!

G-spot Pleasures!
At the Looking Glass, Jack London Square, Oakland, CA
April 3, 2011 2-4 pm
Email to RSVP and get directions at mail@thelookingglassarts.com.
$20 per person/ $35 a couple with Advance Tickets, $25 per person $40 a couple at the door
Purchase tickets here.

Do you want to try out G-spot play? Or maybe you’ve given it a shot and it didn’t do what you wanted? Sex educator Charlie Glickman is here to explain the finer points of G-spot play! You’ll learn how the G-spot works, the best tips and techniques for pleasuring it, ways to combine G-spot play and other fun, ejaculation, and more! Come get your questions answered and discover how much fun G-spot play can be.

Sex::Tech is put on by ISIS (Internet Sexuality Information Services), an amazing organization that helps develop solutions for getting sex education and information to the people who need it. They do some really interesting work, like training service providers to use the internet and social media better, create internet outreach plans, and design computerized behavioral risk assessment for sexual health and disease prevention.

The conference focuses on media, youth, and sexual health. There will be presentations on conducting web-based research, content management systems, the intersections of gender, disability & social justice, tech for HIV surveillance and a lot more. If you work in sexual health and/or with youth, this is an event you won’t want to miss.

My presentation is going to be about sex-positivity and what sex educators can do to overcome negative beliefs about sex. And while it’s not about tech per se, service provider attitudes are the foundation that everything else rests on, so I’m honored to be part of this event.

If you can’t make it to San Francisco, keep track of the event on twitter, either by following @sextech or by searching for the #sextech hashtag. Attendees will be live tweeting during the presentations, so you can find out about what’s going on.

A few weeks ago, Northwestern University professor J. Michael Bailey did something that ruffled a lot of feathers.

He teaches a lecture class on the science of sexuality and in order to supplement the course, he organizes a series of optional presentations with guest speakers. These sessions are 100% voluntary, none of the material presented is included on exams, and he puts them together on his own time and for no pay. He does it because hearing from people who actually engage in various sexual practices puts a human face on it. His guest speakers have included a panel of gay men, a transsexual performer, convicted sex offenders, swingers, and a plastic surgeon.

Now, I think this is fantastic. One of the most common flaws in university level sexuality classes is the tendency to create a vast distance when talking about sexual experiences or practices. It’s “those people” over there who do “those things.” But it isn’t until we meet people who do those things that we realize that most of the time, they’re just folks. I’ve been a speaker on various panels and it’s always amazing to see how much meeting a real-life person can change attitudes and beliefs about sex and communities of erotic affiliation.

At the same time, there’s a difference between talking with people about their sexualities and a live demo, which is what got people riled up. According to Bailey’s statement, the topic of the session was G-spot and G-spot ejaculation (a term I’ve started using in place of “female ejaculation” since not everyone with a G-spot is female). Since the mainstream scientific world still doesn’t agree on whether the G-spot exists, even though there’s been some pretty solid research and plenty of anecdotal evidence, having speakers talk about their experiences would be quite valuable. The guests brought a toy that they use for their G-spot fun. So far, so good. And when they asked the professor if they could give a live demo, he decided to go ahead with it. Of course, that’s when things get tricky.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think that there’s definitely a place for sex education demos. While the workshops at Good Vibrations (which I organize) are always 100% clothed and there is no genital touch, there are sometimes classes on topics like bondage or spanking that can include demonstrations. (The spanking demo model wears a thong.) And there are lots of workshops that include experiential learning, such as the handjob class. At that one, attendees practice on dildos. Or the ever-popular kissing workshop, for which you have to sign up with a partner. There are some other organizations that offer workshops with more explicit demonstrations or participation, too.

As a sex educator and workshop presenter, I strongly believe in the value of experiential learning. The more closely you can simulate the real-life application of new skills, the more people acquire them. That’s why pilots are trained in flight simulators and culinary students practice in real kitchens. But the difference, I think, is that there needs to be a clear goal in mind. I’ve seen more than a few sex workshops that included a demonstration that didn’t really serve much purpose. You shouldn’t throw a demo into a workshop simply to fill the time or because everyone else does it. You should do it because it helps you meet your planned objectives and because it helps the students learn something.

Bailey has said that, while he hesitated briefly, he decided to allow the demonstration because he had lectured earlier that day about the attempts to silence sex research are rooted in sex-negativity and that he didn’t want to give into erotophobia and fear. The students were alerted repeatedly about the explicit demo and given the option to leave. Plus, their feedback was uniformly positive. So what’s the problem?

I see two issues here. First, it’s not clear to me that this demonstration was intended to meet any particular learning objective. While one could argue that observing people having sex can be an amazing learning experience (and one that I’ve certainly benefited from as part of my training as a sexologist and sex educator), the impromptu nature of this particular event makes me wonder about it. Of course, there needs to be room for teachers to improvise, adapt to the always-shifting needs of a particular class, and to take advantage of opportunities for teaching moments. But this is a significant enough shift from Bailey’s usual practices that I can’t help but think that he could have handled it better.

Second, on-campus sex education is already controversial. For example, Bridgewater University professor Margaret Brooks has been attacking university sex weeks and sex ed events, even if she has to misrepresent things to do it. And when folks like her stir things up, it makes administrators nervous, which leads to situations like universities refusing to let qualified speakers participate at conferences because of their connections with porn. Whether there’s an educational justification for a live demo, it’s certainly fraught with political consequences. And while Bailey welcomes disagreement and debate, a lot of professors of sexuality classes don’t have enough support from their deans to be able to weather the storm. My guess is that this is going to cause some backlash for many of them.

Frankly, I think that, at the very least, Bailey was unwise to make this decision in the moment. The issue of sex ed on university campuses is so complex that I think it would have been better to develop a plan. It also would have been more effective if he had a clear objective in mind and an explanation of how a demonstration would support it better than, say, a video presentation. (And for the record, there are plenty of movies of female ejaculation, ranging from the informational to the erotic, so it wouldn’t have been hard to find.) And it really would have been wise of him to put this into the larger social and political context before making a decision.

Did the students benefit from their experience? They say they did. And since nobody was required or pressured into attending, there’s no question of consent. Even so, I’m not convinced it was the best move, either from an educational perspective or a political one.

Here’s another take on the idea of a sex ed demo. Enjoy!