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After I wrote Enthusiasm For Sex Isn’t The Same Thing As Sex-Positivity, I received this tweet, which reminded me of the other side of the coin:
#bbpBox_188766356102053888 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_188766356102053888 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; } @charlieglickman interesting… Conversely, one could also be sex positive but NOT enthusiastic for their own experiences April 7, 2012 4:13 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite @KelseyEducation Kelsey Education
I suppose I thought it was implicit in my post, but upon reflection, I think there’s some important stuff to unpack there.
There are a lot of reasons we might not be enthusiastic about sex, and there have definitely been several times in my life when I wasn’t. Stress, relationship challenges, health issues, having other priorities, effects from
Continue reading You Can Be Sex-Positive And Not Enthusiastic About Sex
I recently sat in on Audacia Ray’s presentation at Momentum, Why the Sex Positive Movement is Bad for Sex Workers’ Rights. She’s also posted her essay from the conference anthology on her site, so you can read her thoughts on the topic. You might also want to check out this analysis of her post.
My big takeaway from it is that the sex-positive world hasn’t done enough to integrate an awareness of labor issues into an analysis of sex work. And I do think she has a point- sex world often operates from a place of unexamined privilege, and labor and class issues are almost never included in discussions of sexuality even though they most definitely affect it. But I think that a deeper analysis
Continue reading What Sex-Positivity Can Offer The Sex Workers’ Rights Movement
It seems like every time I turn around, someone is standing under the banner of sex-positivity and proclaiming “Sex is awesome! Everyone should totally be doing it!” I certainly understand why folks fall into that trap- sex is so shamed in our society that it’s easy for people to jump to the conclusion that the solution is to say that we should all be having more sex.
I see two problems with this. First, all that does is perpetuate the cycles of repression and rebellion. Rather than finding a place of sexual well-being and balance, we end up bouncing from one extreme to the other. Sex is bad! Sex is great! And we never get off that cycle.
The second difficulty is that it
Continue reading Enthusiasm For Sex Isn’t The Same Thing As Sex-Positivity
I’m really happy to announce that the first episode of [SSEX BBOX]is now available online!
[SSEX BBOX] is an ambitious documentary project, headed by Priscilla Bertucci. Their goal is to explore sex-positive communities in San Francisco, São Paolo, Berlin, & Barcelona (hence, the SS BB in the name) and explore the different ways that people in these locations are examining and discussing sexuality. By looking at how people are using sexuality as a means for social change, [SSEX BBOX] will help connect different movements and offer inspiration for new ideas.
Priscilla Bertucci and Carol Queen at the SSEX BBOX premiere
I’ve spoken with sexologists from around the world and one of the challenges we face is that cultural differences and variations in language make
Continue reading [SSEX BBOX] Episode 1 Is Out!
One of the best things about my job is getting to geek out about sex with other brainy folks. So I’m really looking forward to the Sex Positive Discussion Panel at Mills College. We’ll be talking about issues of consent, how to navigate its many nuances, and ways to integrate it into our sex lives. Here’s all the info about the panel. And if you can’t make it, follow the #sexpositivemills hastag. And if you want to help get the word out, please pass the Facebook event page and the Brown Paper Tickets link along.
See you there!
Sex Positive Discussion Panel Lisser Theater, Mills College, Oakland, CA January 27, 7-10 pm, $7.50 Purchase tickets and find location info here The Mills College Community
Continue reading Upcoming Event: Sex Positive Discussion Panel at Mills College
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be empowered. It’s a question that frequently comes up in discussions about sexuality, sexism, porn, choice, and sex-positivity. I recently ran across this post on the topic by Jennifer Kesler which points out some of the ways in which this word is misunderstood and the effects that can have on how we think about our sexualities.
One of the things that Kesler points out (rightfully, I think) is that the word empowerment has been co-opted by a variety of people and forces that don’t have our best interests at heart. Rather than the original definition as “a multi-dimensional social process that helps people gain control over their own lives,” it’s often used in
Continue reading What Does It Mean To Be Empowered?
Following up on my post yesterday, I had a really interesting conversation with Meghan Murphy of the F Word, both on her blog and on Facebook. After sleeping on it, I realized where something was missing from my description of sex-positivity. I had thought it was implicit in my choice of words, but looking back at things I’ve said, I don’t think it really was.
One of the difficulties that I’ve faced in discussing sex-positivity with some folks is that there are two different lenses that a lot of people use when talking about these issues. Some use an entirely personal lens, as in “I like doing this thing, or I find it empowering, so that makes it OK.” And others look at things
Continue reading Expanding My View of Sex-Positivity
Meghan over at the F-Word has a thought-provoking piece about the recent post by the Pervocracy on sex-positivity, and it’s inspired me to finally write something that’s been on my mind for a while.
As I’ve said before, I think that the only relevant criteria for assessing a sexual act or practice is the consent, pleasure, and well-being of the people involved. While that may sound simple, there’s a lot more to it than may be immediately apparent. After all, consent is really only meaningful when one has the ability to make a fully empowered decision. That’s limited by what options people are aware of (sex education!) and believe are open to them, among other things. If you’ve been taught that you have to
Continue reading The Complexities of Sexual Well-Being
There’s a new post up on the Good Men Project, Is Sex Positive Ever Negative?, which highlights many of the ways in which sex-positivity is seriously misunderstood. The writer, Lili Bee, starts with an account of a conversation she had with a friend and the roadblock they hit when he suggested that she do some reading on sex-positivity. So she went to her mentor, Robert Jensen, to get his thoughts on the issue. And that’s where things get squirrely.
Bee starts off pointing out that one of the problems with what many people think of as sex-positive communities is that there’s often a reactivity to the overboundedness that has been imposed on sexuality. I agree with her that a lot of people who say
Continue reading Robert Jensen Doesn’t Understand Sex-Positivity
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. – Brené Brown from The Gifts of ImperfectionThere are a lot of reasons people live lives that aren’t authentic to them. Messages about who we “should” be come at us even before we’re verbal. Just look at how children are taught what it means to be male or female, as if an infant really cares about having a pink bow or a baseball cap on their head. But it certainly affects how others interact with that child, which trains them into performing the gender role they’ve been assigned. This certainly isn’t limited to gender, either. There are lots of ways in which our authentic
Continue reading The Limits of Authenticity
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"The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place."
- Barbara Deangelis
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