Harm Reduction Cookies


One of the big debates that comes up over and over in sex education is the role and effectiveness of the strategy of harm reduction. And part of why it’s tricky is that a lot of people have so many judgments and opinions about sexual practices that it’s hard to have a reasonable discussion. When folks can’t separate their discomfort, triggers, and squicks from the discussion of sexual practices, things go nowhere fast. So I’d like to use an example from my life that illustrates the value of harm reduction.

First, a little background. I’m pre-diabetic. My body is somewhat resistant to insulin, so even when there’s fuel in my system, it doesn’t get transported into my cells as efficiently as it might. This makes …

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I’ll See You At Sex::Tech


I always enjoy going to sexuality conferences. The presentations and the conversations with other folks in the field are an amazing way to keep current on what’s happening. But it’s even more fun with I get to present and I’m thrilled to be speaking at this year’s Sex::Tech conference in San Francisco.

Sex::Tech is put on by ISIS (Internet Sexuality Information Services), an amazing organization that helps develop solutions for getting sex education and information to the people who need it. They do some really interesting work, like training service providers to use the internet and social media better, create internet outreach plans, and design computerized behavioral risk assessment for sexual health and disease prevention.

The conference focuses on media, youth, and sexual health. …

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The Pain of Rejection and Shame

I recently ran across a fascinating article: Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. According to the authors, physical pain and social pain (which happens when social relationships are threatened, damaged or lost) are both processed in the same part of the brain.


It seems that the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is activated when we experience pain in order to create a sense of distress. There’s a different part of the brain in charge of the actual sensation of pain. You can think of it as a partnership- one portion receives the message that some part of the body has been damaged, so it sends a signal to the ACC, which sets off the alarms so you know …

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New Research: Young Couples Disagree About Whether They’re Monogamous

This post also appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.


I don’t watch a lot of TV these days, but back when I did, there was a subplot on Friends when Rachel & Ross “took a break” in their relationship, during which Ross had sex with someone else. When they got back together, it turned into an ongoing source of drama. Rachel thought that he had cheated because, by her definition, they had still been in a relationship even if they were taking some time apart. Ross didn’t think so since they were “on a break,” which meant to him that the rules of being in their relationship didn’t apply.

Miscommunications of this sort are pretty common, as I’m sure most of you know from …

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Margaret Brooks Attacks Sex Ed Again


Margaret Brooks, the noted anti-sex work activist who thinks that arresting sex workers somehow protects them (because hundreds of years of evidence isn’t enough to show that it always makes things much worse for them), is at it again.

Citizens Against Trafficking just released a statement from her that’s full of scare quotes, misinformation, and misdirection to try to convince readers that sex education is the source of all evil. Let’s take a look:

She starts off with a statement about how “At least four students attending universities in Rhode Island have contracted acute HIV infections within recent months,” which she describes as a sudden increase and a recent outbreak. According to wikipedia, there are 12 colleges and universities in the state, with a …

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Partners of Women Who Have Abortions Are in the Loop

According to some new research from the Guttmacher Institute, the majority of women seeking abortions (82%) report that the men with whom they became pregnant were aware of the abortion. What’s more, nearly 80% of the women said that the men were supportive of their decision.

The paper, Perceptions of Male Knowledge and Support Among U.S. Women Obtaining Abortions, also reports that 88% of women living with their male partner and 87% of women married to their male partner said that the men knew about it and that they were supportive (82% and 87%, respectively). Not surprisingly, I think, the numbers go down for women who were separated, divorced, in a relationship less than a year old, or not in a relationship. But …

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Announcing Scarleteen’s New Provider Database- Add Your Organization Now!


If you’re a regular reader here, you’ve probably seen some posts about Scarleteen.com. That’s because it’s an amazing organization and it’s one of a very few sexuality resources for young people that offers accurate and direct information without judging or shaming them.

They’ve just launched a new database project and it’s going to be amazing. Here it is, in their own words:

One of the best ways to find quality sexual healthcare and other in-person help services is by asking people we know and trust for a recommendation. But that can be difficult, especially for young people: so many are either ashamed about sexual healthcare and other related services, or are afraid that disclosing they’ve gotten care will result in a breach of their

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Once Again, There’s Confusion About What Sex Is

This post also appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Lots of websites, including, the Washington Times and CNN are reporting that there’s a new survey showing that 10% of teens who say that they’re sexually abstinent are testing positive for chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis. And while I agree that some of the reasons for this discrepancy might include people being dishonest about being sexually active, forgetting that they had sex during the 12 month period they were being asked about, or having been infected before that time, one of the things they left out is that people define sex in more than one way.

Many people certainly use “have sex” to mean “have intercourse,” especially if they’re talking about male-female interactions. And yet, it’s …

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Great Info for Sexual Health Clinics and Educators Who Work With Young Men

Clipped from: bishuk.com (share this clip)

There are a lot of reasons that sexual health messages and services tend to focus on women. Since many of the people who develop sexuality education and health services are women, they often focus on issues and topics that are specific to girls and women. Health care traditionally ignored women’s needs and concerns, so organizations sprang up to address that. Sexism and male privilege have often resulted in resistance and anger towards boys and men, making providers less willing to offer them help. And many boys and men have internalized the idea that asking for help, dealing with health issues (rather than “toughing it out”), and not knowing everything about sex isn’t masculine, so they may avoid …

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The Pope’s “Sin Reduction” Model

As a sex educator, I’ve been advocating for both risk reduction and harm reduction. In risk reduction, the goal is to lessen the chances that something unpleasant or dangerous might happen. When it comes to driving, for example, anti-lock brakes are risk reduction because they make it less likely that you’ll get into an accident. Condoms are also a form of risk reduction since they lower the odds of passing a sexually transmitted infection along.

By comparison, harm reduction is when you take steps to lessen the harm of whatever you’re going to do. Seatbelts reduce the harm of being in a car accident, for example. And getting regular STI tests makes it possible to get treatment sooner, which can reduce or avoid the harm …

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