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When I first became a sex educator, I figured I’d be learning a lot about relationships. Over time, I discovered that helping people explore sexuality also meant that I learned a lot about shame. So much so, in fact, that I went back to school and started learning about the interplay between sex & shame. I’ve been on that journey for about 10 years now and one thing that I’ve discovered is that the more I understand how shame works, the more I understand relationships.
Shame is one of the more difficult topics to talk about. Just discussing it can trigger it, especially if you have a lot of undigested shame lurking in your psyche. My grad school studies led me to work through a …
Continue reading If You Want To Understand Relationships, You Need To Understand Shame
Are you a sex educator, sexologist or researcher? Do you want to connect with your colleagues? Building professional and personal relationships with colleagues and other folks in the field can be amazing. It’s a great way to find out about opportunities, get support for your projects, and expand your network. But if you don’t have many local colleagues, it can feel isolating.
That’s why Dr. Ruthie has started the Sex Positive Professional Group. Current and aspiring sex therapists, home toy party providers, sex & relationship coaches, sexologists, writers, bloggers, artists, and anyone else working as a sexuality professional can join in. For $125/month (a portion of which is donated to Scarleteen), you have access to:
- Monthly group calls, which include important continuing educational
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Continue reading Teleconference Group for Sex Positive Professionals
According to some new research from the Guttmacher Institute, the majority of women seeking abortions (82%) report that the men with whom they became pregnant were aware of the abortion. What’s more, nearly 80% of the women said that the men were supportive of their decision.
The paper, Perceptions of Male Knowledge and Support Among U.S. Women Obtaining Abortions, also reports that 88% of women living with their male partner and 87% of women married to their male partner said that the men knew about it and that they were supportive (82% and 87%, respectively). Not surprisingly, I think, the numbers go down for women who were separated, divorced, in a relationship less than a year old, or not in a relationship. But …
Continue reading Partners of Women Who Have Abortions Are in the Loop
If you’re a regular reader here, you’ve probably seen some posts about Scarleteen.com. That’s because it’s an amazing organization and it’s one of a very few sexuality resources for young people that offers accurate and direct information without judging or shaming them.
They’ve just launched a new database project and it’s going to be amazing. Here it is, in their own words:
One of the best ways to find quality sexual healthcare and other in-person help services is by asking people we know and trust for a recommendation. But that can be difficult, especially for young people: so many are either ashamed about sexual healthcare and other related services, or are afraid that disclosing they’ve gotten care will result in a breach of their
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Continue reading Announcing Scarleteen’s New Provider Database- Add Your Organization Now!
Following up on last week’s post about a support group for polyamorous folks, this showed up in my in-box. See below and pass it on!
The Living Arts Counseling Center presents:
An Expressive Arts Psychotherapy Group for Polyamorous Couples and Individuals
Are you polyamorous? Non-monogamous? In an open relationship? Curious about exploring this territory together with your partner(s)?
In a judgment-free, safe, and playful space, we will use tools from expressive arts therapy to explore issues of open relationships, including jealousy, boundaries, rule-making/rule-breaking, sex, safer sex, love, emotional intimacy, loneliness, and what to tell the in-laws, the neighbors, or your best friend.
Come find community with others exploring similar territory!
This group is open to primary couples of all genders and orientations, as well …
Continue reading Polyamory Expressive Arts Group Forming
There are a lot of reasons that sexual health messages and services tend to focus on women. Since many of the people who develop sexuality education and health services are women, they often focus on issues and topics that are specific to girls and women. Health care traditionally ignored women’s needs and concerns, so organizations sprang up to address that. Sexism and male privilege have often resulted in resistance and anger towards boys and men, making providers less willing to offer them help. And many boys and men have internalized the idea that asking for help, dealing with health issues (rather than “toughing it out”), and not knowing everything about sex isn’t masculine, so they may avoid …
Continue reading Great Info for Sexual Health Clinics and Educators Who Work With Young Men
In all of the discussions, debates, and arguments about porn, one of the few things that most people can agree on is that most porn is terrible sex education. And this is even more important when we’re talking about how teens and young adults, who often lack access to accurate sex-positive information, end up copying porn.
Unfortunately, a lot of people are hesitant to open up a conversation with young people about porn. Maybe they don’t know how to start. Maybe they don’t feel confident in their abilities to talk about sex. Maybe they think that they don’t know enough about porn or that they don’t know how to talk about it without showing sexually explicit images. Maybe they have their own judgments about porn …
Continue reading Porn Planet: A New Resource For Talking With Youth About Porn
Imagine, for a moment, what the world would be like if we took the same approach to money as we do to sex. Imagine trying to hide all evidence of money from children, telling them that it’s not something they should know about. Imagine shaming them for asking questions about it, for expressing an interest in it, and for wanting to experiment with it. Imagine that you never explained how budgets work, or how to balance a checkbook, or how to pay for anything. Then, imagine that when they turn 18, handing them a credit card and saying “good luck with that.”
In essence, that’s what we do with sex.
Would you be surprised if those young adults didn’t know how to responsibly handle money? …
Continue reading Why We Need Scarleteen
One of the biggest difficulties queer, kinky, and/or polyamorous people face when looking for therapists or other mental health support is that professionals get very little training about any kind of sex, much less “alternative” sexualities. Despite the lack of any real correlation between being kinky (for example) and having mental health issues, many therapists assume that BDSM players are also abuse survivors. Of course, many kinky folks are, simply because there are a lot of survivors in the world, but if sexual assault caused kink, there’d be even more kinky folks. Similar attitudes about queers and polyamorous folks are also pretty common.
So it’s really great that the Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities is hosting the 3rd Annual Alternative Sexualities Conference…
Continue reading Upcoming Conference on Alternative Sexualities 9/23/10 in San Francisco
This post first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.
One of the most common complaints people have about porn is that it offers an unrealistic model of sex. Penises are always big and hard, vaginas are always ready for deep, thrusting penetration, there’s no lube, warm-up for anal sex, romance, connection, or conversation about likes, dislikes, STIs, and other real-life factors.
In response, the porn industry generally says, “So what? That’s not our job.” After all, if you’re learning how to do anything from TV or movies, you’re going to get it wrong. All media (other than the how-to type stuff that you’ll see on a few stations) offer a conveniently packaged and formulaic idea of …
Continue reading Why You Shouldn’t Learn About Sex From Porn
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